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Friday, February 22, 2013

Ooo-Ahhh

Do you know what an Ooo-Ahhh bird is?
It's a one ounce bird that lays a two ounce egg and goes, ooo-ahhh.

At Sea World in California, a 37 year old Orca gave birth to a 300-350 pound baby.  Talk about a whopper!  The Orca was in labor a mere hour before popping out the calf.  An hour to expel a 300 pound plus baby sounded good to me, after all, it took me over fourteen hours to push out a 9 pound girl.

The next time you find yourself sitting with a group of moms or in the cabbage patch with the storks, listen to their birthing stories.  It will soon become apparent that no two stories are the same. 
And stories about the same experience differs from husband to wife.  If you ask me about mine I'd tell you it was a piece of cake.  I opted for the epidural but still no screams were heard emitting from my room. 
At least that is how I remember it.  If you ask my husband about the same 14-15 hours you will hear a description that swings 180 degrees faster than a Bi-polar person off their meds.  We all know of course whose version is true.

In the animal kingdom, pandas and kangaroos probably have the easiest birthing experience.  The babes are the size of a large peanut when they emerge from their mother's womb.  They have incredible strength.  After emerging from the birth canal they must climb all the way up into their mother's pouch where they will finish developing.  In a perfect world human babies would start out this way only the pouch would be like the seahorse, on the father, not the mother.  I remember a tv show my husband watched about aliens living with us humans.  There was an episode where a pregnant alien took her fetus out of her body and implanted it into her husband giving them both a chance to carry the unborn child.  I didn't see the episode where the father gave birth, so I have no idea how the birth took place.

 A few years back there was the story of a man who gave birth. He and his wife were on Dr. Phil.  The man had started life as a woman, gone through a sex change operation except for removing her/his reproductive system and then been artificially inseminated.  To date he has given birth to three children.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

The idea of men giving birth isn't new.  Years before the pregnant man on Dr. Phil, The Cosby Show did an episode where all the Huxtable men were pregnant and in labor.  It was all a dream.  The dialog was priceless.  Calls for more pain meds were heard along side a discussion musing over where they as, men would push the baby out of their bodies.  I remember laughing my head off and I wasn't even a mom yet.

Well, until next time, remember to wear your sneakers when you walk through the cabbage patch looking for a stork.

 

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Hey Mom, What's For Dinner?


"Hey Mom/Honey, what's for dinner?"
If you have kids or a husband you are familiar with the question,

Here in the good old USA more than likely the answer is beef, chicken or pork.  In small villages in Africa one of the dietary staples is Mopane worms.  After the rains cease women and children go out to the Mopane trees and pluck off the caterpillars of the Emperor Moth.  They are as long as the human hand and as thick as a Cuban cigar.  The worms are spread out and sun-dried before being fried or added to recipes.  In the villages the Mopane Caterpillar is to the villager's as the Big Mac is to Americans.  In larger urban areas, they are as much a delicacy as Russian Caviar. 

Eating insects is not a new idea.  Many cultures have a variety of insects or local delicacies that are unique.  If you watch Survivor there is usually one challenge involving the digestion of local fare, the grosser, the better.  We have all seen our imprisoned hero survive on the creepy-crawlies that run across his cell.

The art of bug cuisine is catching on in the US.  There are over 23 restaurants splattered across the landscape that feature a variety of bugs, cooked in a variety of ways.  You can order your crickettes fried or covered in chocolate.  A lime flavored scorpion pop. 

As a food source, insects have more protein than traditional meats while producing ten times less methane and nitros oxide than livestock, making them healthier for the environment.

Don't know how to cook bugs let alone know where to purchase them?  Amazon has cookbooks on the fine art of preparing bugs.  Creepy Crawly Cuisine and The Gourmet Guide to Edible Insects name few.  Teachers looking for a way to introduce their students to the world of insect cuisine can go to one of the many web-sites that sell a variety of tasty treats for kids to try.  Cheddar Cheese Larvets,  a variety of fruit flavored scorpion pops and chocolate covered, fried crickettes.  All insects are raised for the purpose of eating, which I'm sure will make their parents feel better. 

That's all for now, until next time, when you see a creepy crawly don't say, "Oh, gross," and squish it.  Say, "Yum, a few more and I'll have dinner."

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Happy Valentines Day From The Big Apple

Once again romance is in the air hovering over The Big Apple.  While couples and loved ones spend oodles of money on flowers, peach roses are my personal favorite, gourmet dinners by candle light and over-sized boxes of chocolates,  a few lucky New Yorkers will be touring the sewage treatment plant in Brooklyn's Greenpoint section.

Last year the Department of Environmental Protection opened the plant for one tour on Valentines Day.  It was so popular they decided to offer it again this year, expanding the tour groups from one to three.  During last years tour, the energetic plant supervisor announced that the digestive egg was going to show off how it worked.  The egg then gave the group a hearty belch emitting a very foul odor.

I don't know about you, but I would much prefer a tour of a rose garden, a bakery or even a firehouse to a sewage treatment plant.  Yes, they are very necessary but like bare bottoms, I don't really need to see them.  Well, there might be a few bare buttocks I wouldn't mind looking at, we just won't mention whose.

Tomorrow night I will be dinning out with my Valentine.  I expect I'll see a bouquet of roses and a silly card while I eat a piece of the candy I bought myself.  Until next time, remember, you don't have to wait for Valentines Day to show and tell your loved ones you care.