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Thursday, August 2, 2012

Black Holes

There have been several stories of late involving the new frontier.  A man donned a space suite and ascended to the brink of space in a souped up balloon, then parachuted back to Earth.  The mere thought puts my vertigo into hyper-drive.  I constantly tell my husband, "If you ever want to get rid of me and have it look natural. put me on a roller-coaster.  I'll be dead from a heart attack with-in the first two minutes, maybe less."
My home is an inter-active model of Space.  There is a debris field floating around waiting to smack you in the face and aliens who have taken over the bodies of my cats and dogs so they can observe a "normal" Earth family.  Then, there's the Black Hole.  I can't see it, black holes are invisible but I know it's there.  In the last year I have had two sets of truck keys disappear.  You say, "Don't you mean lost?"  No, vanished, gone, vaporized...  I have torn my house apart by putting things away and recycling countless pounds of paper.  No keys. I emptied the black hole that is my purse, no keys.   I know they should be there, I had to have them in order to drive home.  I have looked under furniture, in pockets on the ground.  No keys. 
Other items have gone missing in the past.  A couple of years ago a can of varnish vanished without a trace.  The aliens must have finished with it because I found it years later in a flower bed.  I had no idea that space aliens had teeth that left dents like a canine.  Wait, I said the aliens had taken over my dogs and cats, so that explains the teeth marks.
I keep waiting for the black hole to spit back my keys.  I had to have a new key made so I would have wheels.  A new key with micro-chip, without an existing key to program from is painfully expensive.  If I didn't need wheels now, I would have waited for a cheaper solution, going on an inter-galactic space hunt.

Until next time, keep your keys close and your eyes telescoped on your cats and dogs, they are out there watching our every move.

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