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Friday, February 22, 2013

Ooo-Ahhh

Do you know what an Ooo-Ahhh bird is?
It's a one ounce bird that lays a two ounce egg and goes, ooo-ahhh.

At Sea World in California, a 37 year old Orca gave birth to a 300-350 pound baby.  Talk about a whopper!  The Orca was in labor a mere hour before popping out the calf.  An hour to expel a 300 pound plus baby sounded good to me, after all, it took me over fourteen hours to push out a 9 pound girl.

The next time you find yourself sitting with a group of moms or in the cabbage patch with the storks, listen to their birthing stories.  It will soon become apparent that no two stories are the same. 
And stories about the same experience differs from husband to wife.  If you ask me about mine I'd tell you it was a piece of cake.  I opted for the epidural but still no screams were heard emitting from my room. 
At least that is how I remember it.  If you ask my husband about the same 14-15 hours you will hear a description that swings 180 degrees faster than a Bi-polar person off their meds.  We all know of course whose version is true.

In the animal kingdom, pandas and kangaroos probably have the easiest birthing experience.  The babes are the size of a large peanut when they emerge from their mother's womb.  They have incredible strength.  After emerging from the birth canal they must climb all the way up into their mother's pouch where they will finish developing.  In a perfect world human babies would start out this way only the pouch would be like the seahorse, on the father, not the mother.  I remember a tv show my husband watched about aliens living with us humans.  There was an episode where a pregnant alien took her fetus out of her body and implanted it into her husband giving them both a chance to carry the unborn child.  I didn't see the episode where the father gave birth, so I have no idea how the birth took place.

 A few years back there was the story of a man who gave birth. He and his wife were on Dr. Phil.  The man had started life as a woman, gone through a sex change operation except for removing her/his reproductive system and then been artificially inseminated.  To date he has given birth to three children.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

The idea of men giving birth isn't new.  Years before the pregnant man on Dr. Phil, The Cosby Show did an episode where all the Huxtable men were pregnant and in labor.  It was all a dream.  The dialog was priceless.  Calls for more pain meds were heard along side a discussion musing over where they as, men would push the baby out of their bodies.  I remember laughing my head off and I wasn't even a mom yet.

Well, until next time, remember to wear your sneakers when you walk through the cabbage patch looking for a stork.

 

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