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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Inside the IRS, Watch For Smiles, Laughs and Giggles

Since tax day is just a hop and skip away I decided to google taxes and see what popped up.
Please note, I am not a tax preparer.  The following post is for entertainment purposes only.

Some tax payers in an effort to get more deductions end up entertaining the auditors.  Not that I've ever seen a real or TV IRS agent smile, I just assume when an agent reads, Dental implants as a deduction, reason,  I can't get hired for a job because of my teeth, someone would at least give a toothy grin. The following is a small collection of deductions people have tried to slide by the IRS.

Swimming pools are the number one deduction people try to take.  They dive into the idea before finding out what the criteria for deducting a pool is.  Yes, a backyard cement pond, as Jed Clampett used to call it, is deductible if a doctor writes a prescription to treat a medical condition.   Floating Islands and pool side furniture are not deductible.  Although, you might need the exercise for the heart attack you get from blowing up all those pool toys by mouth.  Just kidding, we all know you get the kid from down the street to do for you.

Rounding off numbers to make everything nice and neat sends up a red flag as your return scoots by.  Agents figure by rounding off to a zero instead of a dollar amount you must be trying to get more than you deserve.

Medical costs are always deductible unless it's for having your guinea pig neutered.  Deductions for a family pet are not allowed.  However, the cost of purchasing, caring for and maintaining a service animal for the disabled are deductible.

If you are job hunting the cost of printing resumes, the envelopes and stamps are allowed.  If you travel to an interview, milage is deductible unless, I hazard a guess, you hire a limo to take you.  If you end up moving over fifty miles to take a job the moving costs are deductible  Just don't try to deduct that $200 cocktail dress as an interview outfit. 

I'm sure some professional journals are deductible such as Psychology Today, but if you plan to deduct your Playboy or Playgirl you'd better have a good, juicy story to defend the deduction.  And doing research to keep your wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend etc happy won't excite anyone into giving it to you.

Last but not least, keep exes happy.  Disgruntled exes love to call the IRS claiming their ex, that's you, are laundering money for the mob, made money a lot of money you have not declared, taking deductions for medical care you didn't get etc.

Well, I have to go and dress Gabriel, my service dog, in a waiter's uniform.  Having one's Long Island Ice Tea brought out to pool-side is a "service" no one should go without. 

Until next time, brainstorm and use as many crazy deduction ideas you can think of, if the IRS agents are laughing hard enough maybe they'll give you the deduction for shear wit.

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